Crabby Office Lady

Jim and Pam, of the wildly popular TV show "The Office," met at the office and fell in love there, too. But their romance is not without its complications. Let's all take a lesson from the lovebirds at Dunder Mifflin.

When I mentioned the phrase "office romance" to several of my coworkers, their reactions were almost unanimous: Don't go there.

And while that is probably good advice, we all know that what the heart wants, the heart goes for (restraining order and all). And so this Valentine's Day weekend, I'm going to explore the exciting world (and potential mine field) of love and the working person.

Love finds a way

You're young, you're hot, and you know it. Or, you're middle-aged, still smouldering (at least on the inside), and brimming with wisdom. It really doesn't matter your age, your previous experience, or even your sexual orientation. Everyone needs love, everyone wants love, and everyone seeks it out.

So it's just natural that when you spend more than 40 hours a week working with, eating with, getting coffee with, attending meetings with, or even just passing by the same people every day, certain feelings are bound to bubble up to the surface — feelings that have nothing to do with this year's fiscal results improving processes.

Having a loved one in the workplace can be a marvelous way to feel good and earn a living at the same time. It can also be a very dangerous undertaking. Let's look at the pros and cons of office romances.

Love in the office: The advantages

Finding love in the workplace can be an exciting and exhilarating experience. Just ask Pam and Jim, or Tracy and Hepburn...

• You'll spend lot of time together.
• You always have someone to eat lunch with.
• He'll understand why you have to work late.
• You'll have someone to confide in when it comes to matters of the office.
• You'll get an idea about what she's like, on and off the job. You'll see how others feel about her, how she handles herself in a crisis, how she treats other people.
• Going out on a limb here and assuming that there will be some... slumber parties: You can carpool!

But it's not all hearts and flowers. We're at work here, and separating the personal from the professional isn't always easy.

Love in the office: The disadvantages

There are ways to make an office relationship work; but there are many things working against you...

• You'll spend a lot of time together.
• Knowing where your loved one is at all times may be nice in the beginning, but can become quite smothering as things move forward.
• If you keep the romance a secret, will others be flirting with your loved one? Will this bring out the seething green-eyed monster in you?
• If you work in a small office, don't believe for one second that everyone doesn't already know about you two.
• Again, a small office means that if you are fighting, everyone will know it and may be watching your every move. Goldfish bowl, anyone? (Now you know how Brad and Angie feel...for once...)
• Your productivity may suffer due to clandestine meetings and constant instant messaging.
• If you are a subordinate to your loved one, what if your "manager's pet" status comes into play and others start to notice? And if you break up — and if it's not pretty — will your former loved one have the power to fire you or make your life a living hell?
• If you're the boss, again, you have to think about favoritism and and how it affects other employees. And with regard to breaking up, issues of sexual harassment may come up. It's not nice to think about, but it happens every day, and it can destroy your career.

OK, I don't really want to end on that scary note, so here is some real-world advice from someone I work with, who found love and got married to another someone I work with: "When you work with your mate and they vent about work, realize that they're not necessarily asking for your help. Sometimes they just want to vent. That said, at times it can be great to get input from someone who knows you in your real world and your work world. So, do give advice when asked, but don't jump into 'solution mode' by default." Spoken like an expert.

To love or not to love?

Well, to love — of course! But be careful when you start to get involved with someone you work with. It is possible to make it work, but before you jump in, check out your company's policies regarding this matter; some businesses have specific guidelines about dating coworkers — particularly if one of the lovers is the boss. Chances are you don't want to lose your job over this.

"Passion is universal humanity. Without it religion, history, romance and art would be useless." — Honoré de Balzac

About the author

Annik Stahl, the Crabby Office Lady columnist, takes all of your complaints, compliments, and knee-jerk reactions to heart. Therefore, she graciously asks that you let her know whether this column was useful to you — or not — by entering your feedback using the Was this information helpful? tool below. And remember: If you don't vote, you can't complain.