The Crabby Office Lady

With America's 230-something birthday upon us, Office Online is the place to get everything you need to help fulfill the spirit of this holiday (or no matter what time of year).

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Let me start this week's column off by indulging in a touch sentimentality and a smidgen of patriotism (this won't last long — I promise).

As a first generation American on one side of my family and a second generation on the other, and with an adopted daughter from southeast Asia, I tend to get a little, well, schmaltzy — and yes, even a bit misty-eyed — around the July 4th holiday. Sure, I have my qualms about some the things that "define" us as Americans — weird pop fads that seep into other world cultures and even some of my government's policies. But, on the most basic level, I get a certain thrill during this holiday that celebrates what being an American is truly about. For my father's father and for my mother, becoming an American was a specific choice that they made. For my daughter, it was a choice I made for her, and one that I hope she embraces as she grows to understand my motives and the love behind that choice. For me, it has everything to do with with my appreciation of the freedom I have to take the day off, celebrate, and be thankful that I have the right to blather on and say just what I want to say. (And if what I just said gets past my editors, I'm thankful for that freedom too.)

July 4th is NOT just about loud noises and frightened animals

(OK. Done with my little Independence spiel above. Thanks for your patience — I swear there is substance to this week's column.)

Now, as an oft-crabby person, I have to admit that I'm not a big fan of firecrackers. And I don't mean those beautiful, comet-like bursts of color — fireworks — that I can see over the horizon (and that I prefer to witness from afar).

No, I'm not talking about those POP! POP! POP! BANG! BANG! BANG! sense-stunning, ear-numbing bombs that my neighbors' teenage kids set off at 2 a.m. on July 4th (thereby terrorizing the cats and dogs in the neighborhood). Those types of "celebrations" make me rethink the whole idea of what Independence Day is really about. Is it about loud noises, angry teenagers, and drunken people with bad flag and eagle tattoos? Or is it about family and friend time, a day to celebrate what binds us as Americans? (The latter, of course.)

"But what does this have to do with Office?" you may ask. Well, you know me: I can make anything attach itself to Office. And that is what today's column is all about.

It's party time

Nothing says "Independence Day" more than the freedom to host a party. And whether it's a huge, 10-barbecues-a-smokin' party for 100 of your closest friends (and their friends who bring coworkers who bring former boyfriends' sympathetic sisters-cum-confidants)…or just a small family picnic, I'm sure you know what I'm about to recommend: Templates. That's right. We have a bevy of Independence Day-related invitations and flyers to help you make the most of this fun day.

• Independence Day party invitation
• Independence Day event flyer
• Barbecue invitation
• Barbecue invitation flyer
• U.S. flag flyer with space for message

When you're the patriotic type…all year round

There are those of you out there who raise your flag every morning and lower it every evening. Being an American is what defines you and you want everyone to know it. And, of course, we have the stationery, posters, cards, and mailing labels to help you shout it out to the world.

• OneNote Fourth of July stationery
• Independence Day card
• U.S. flag label for use as a magnet or window decal (works with Avery 3270, 3276, 3277, and 8255)
• Letterhead and matching envelope (Flag theme)

Presenting the colors

Maybe you're giving a presentation that has something to do with your company, one that makes flag-themed supplies and the like. Or maybe you work for a governmental agency and don't want your audience to forget where its goals — not to mention its allegiances — lie. Or perhaps it's just the month of July and you've got flags on the brain. Yep, we've got a PowerPoint presentation template for that.

• U.S. flag design template
• Presentation for report on state

Words are words; art is the true message

If you know anything about me, then you know that I adore the Clip Art and Media site on Office Online. I use the art I've found on the site for my columns, and I also employ it for personal use. (And what does that entail? "Personal use?" Why, none of your business, that's what.)

Now that I've given you some ideas for how to declare your love of your country, don't forget to add some clip art, photos, animations, and sounds to your invitations, flyers, correspondence, and presentations.

A few weeks back, I wrote a column about how to make the most of the Clip Art and Media site, and one of the techniques I talked about was how to search. I suggest you go back and read that portion of the column, since my goal was to "teach you to fish" (as it were). But, this week I'm handing off my net to you — the whole fish and nothing but the fish.

Ready? OK. Here are some terms and phrases you should plug into the Search box on the Clip Art and Media site to get the most Independence Day-related clips, photos, sounds, and animations.

 Tip   Don't put quotation marks around any of these queries.

• 4th of July  This query brings up photos of fireworks, Uncle Sam hats, American flag-waving people, firecracker sound effects, and more.
• Fireworks  This brings up photos, clip art, animations, and sound effects of all kinds of fireworks, from the sweet little sparkler variety to the booming Presidential inauguration type.
• BBQ  You'll get cartoons of spatula-wielding men in hats burning weenies, stand-alone pieces of charcoal, montages of barbecues and the lovingly-cooked food, and even a pig on a spit. (Hey, everyone has their own idea of what "freedom" means, even if it doesn't quite sit well with our swine friends.)
• Picnic  Straw baskets, checked tablecloths, hamburgers, veggie burgers, ribs, hot dogs, veggie dogs, potato salad, coleslaw, watermelon, strawberries, popsicles, lemonade, a six-pack of cheap beer, sticky campground picnic benches, and ants….nothing says "July 4th" like a picnic. (Of course, being the daughter of a French mother, no picnic is complete without a baguette, a bottle of Burgundy, a round of Brie, and salade niçoise. Your family may have other ideas but I highly recommend what we do…)
• Old Glory or American Flag  From images of flags waving over amber fields of grain to photos of Old Glory behind our service men and women, we have American flags of all shapes and sizes (they are all the same color and configuration, of course).

Remember what I wrote in my Clip Art and Media column under the "Keywords" portion of the "Find Clips" section? Let me refresh your memory: When you perform a search using one of the keywords or terms I provided above, if you click one of the results that show up, then you'll see that each one has a list of associated "keywords" with it. And, if you click one or more of those keywords, a new page will populate with all the clips associated with that keyword. It's a great way to find clips using a keyword that perhaps neither you (nor I) many have thought of.

 Note    Strangely enough, "July 4" doesn't bring up much. But it does bring up two sound effects: "Pyrotechnics" and "Fireworks 2." (Where is "Fireworks 1?" Maybe it was outlawed — I have no idea.)

Let freedom ring

I hope that you get a day off work and the time to enjoy your friends and family, and perhaps even reflect on that fact that you live in a country where you can express your ideas and opinions, even if they don't jibe with what policies your government subscribes to.

Perhaps more importantly, if you can take the day off and forget about work for a bit, please take advantage of that. If you can't, if you're one of the millions of good American folks who enable others to go out for a meal, rent a boat, or fill up their gas tank, then thank you. Please take your own Independence Day holiday when you can — even if it doesn't fall on July 4th. Go fishing, go camping, sit on your porch and read a book, or spend some time with your kids. Or, if you find yourself stranded in an airport or stuck in Purgatory with your anti-everything Great Aunt Gussie, you can always say you have work to do and either get online to read a Crabby column or peruse my book. (Hey, freedom means different things to different people.)

"We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness." — United States Declaration of Independence

About the author

Annik Stahl, the Crabby Office Lady columnist, takes all of your complaints, compliments, and knee-jerk reactions to heart. Therefore, she graciously asks that you let her know whether this column was useful to you — or not — by entering your feedback using the Was this information helpful? tool below. And remember: If you don't vote, you can't complain.

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