Crabby Office Lady

For many of us, sending and receiving e-mail is the way we begin and end our days; it just makes sense to have some ground rules to follow so that we can at least attempt to treat each other with a modicum of civility.

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A long while back, I wrote a column called Stand up straight and mind your e-mail manners. In it, I covered my top 10 e-mail peeves (or "crabs," as I affectionately call them) and how to avoid them. No matter how many columns I pump out every month, that one is still, by far, the most popular. As a matter of fact, I decided to make the topic of e-mail politesse the very first chapter in my book. And, as I was writing the book this past autumn and winter, I realized that there were a few more e-mail manner tips that I felt warranted a second look. Therefore, I figured it was time to drag this topic out again and add some more useful tips about sending and receiving e-mail. After all, you can never be too rich, too smart, or too polite.

But before I jump headlong into this, I want to offer two disclaimers:

1. Although I sincerely believe that my first 10 e-mail crabs really do apply to 99 percent of the e-mail using public, the following tips are to be used at your discretion. You may find that some of them make sense while others are too constricting. (Hey, I can understand feeling too squeezed for comfort: I do not own a pair of panty hose, for example.) Others, you may find to be superfluous or even ridiculous. All I ask is that you consider them.
2. You may not agree with what I have to say. For example, e-mail crab #4 in my last etiquette column was about how e-mail messages are not chain letters. This means that I don't want to have to scroll to the very end of a message in order to read your reply to my original message to you — I prefer that you put it at the very top. That way, if I have that cool feature turned on in Outlook called AutoPreview, I can get an idea of what your reply consists of with just a quick glance. However, no matter how much I tried to convince and wheedle, my readers' preferences were split 50/50. Some people were convinced that the replies should be in the order in which they occurred (meaning the original message at the top, followed by response #1, response #2, and so on). I give up. As long as you all agree on a format, you go for it.
   
   My point is that these next few crabs are my personal ideas (and ideals) of what e-mail messaging can and should be. In this case, one size does not fit all. (Frankly, we all know it doesn't really apply in any case, anywhere, anytime, now does it?)

Crabby's e-mail crabs, #11-#15

Now that I've safely draped myself with disclaimers, let me tell you that I did do some research. I informally polled coworkers, friends, family members, and, yes, even other Office customers. So, please note that these crabs are not ideas I just pulled out of a hat to torture you. Read, keep an open mind, and you may find a nugget or two to take away with you.

Crab #11: Utilize the spell checker

I don't care if you use Outlook, Outlook Express, MSN Hotmail, or any other e-mail program (that shall not be named), because almost every program has a way to check your spelling before you hit the send button. Some programs have a setting so that it happens automatically; in others you have to manually check. In either case, please just do it. You may have a world–changing message filled with insight, courage, and incredible ideas...but if I'm busy being distracted by your lousy spelling, I might miss it.

Crab #12: If communication via e-mail isn't working, consider going face-to-face

If more than two iterations of e-mail messages have occurred (you send to me, I reply to you, you reply to me, I reply to you), and we're still not getting our messages across to each other, then it's possible we're not going to get anywhere. So, let's walk down the hall and talk to one another. I learned this from my very first manager at Microsoft and it has served me well. If the situation prohibits a face-to-face talk (if you or the other person telecommute, or work in buildings very far from each other), there is always the phone. Sometimes it's easier to get your point across when you actually talk to someone.

 Note   If, for some reason, you can't talk face-to-face or by phone, there is always online chatting using Instant Messaging, where you can communicate with your contacts in real time as you would during an in-person conversation.

Crab #13: Don't tell Mom happy birthday in an e-mail

Sure, we're all very busy with a lot of things to do, and, yes, there are many free online card companies out there that provide creative, artistic, and interesting e-cards. But, it's just not that hard to either buy or make a card for the one you love, or just pick up the phone. Clicking another link in another e-mail message doesn't mean half as much as getting a card that your loved one can savor and keep, and it also doesn't hold a birthday candle to hearing your voice telling her how much you love and adore her and are glad she was born. Dancing emoticons and singing guinea pigs in an e-card just can't compare to the real thing.

Crab #14: Read everything before replying

When you come into the office, don't start popping off answers to an e-mail conversation — or "thread" — before you've read everything there is to read. Perhaps someone started an e-mail conversation hours before you dragged yourself into the office. Perhaps there was a clarification and then even a retraction. If you only read the initial message, stop there, and then start hammering away at your response, you will look like an idiot, plain and simple (possibly with your own retraction to make). The moral of this story? Organize your Outlook Inbox so that you won't end up in a situation like this. I like to organize my Inbox by conversation; that way I can see what the last message was about a certain subject. View messages by conversation or thread.

Crab #15: Now, what were we talking about?

And finally, this last one is related to Crab #4, "This is not a chain letter," in my original e-mail manners column: Please, please, please include my original message in your reply. It makes things a whole lot easier if you do, especially if some time has passed since I sent you the original message. It's possible that I've forgotten what it was that I said, and if I have to go back to my Sent Items folder in Outlook to jog my memory, you may feel the heat of my wrath as it comes barreling down the hallway toward your office. I do realize that some e-mail programs don't have this set up as the default, so you may have to make some adjustments. But when I took my informal poll, this e-mail crab was one of the big ones. Stripping out the original message isn't just inconsiderate and discourteous; it makes it impossible to keep track of all that's been said.

What makes you crabby?

As I was writing this column, A.C. of Vancouver, British Columbia wrote to me about how much it irks her that her coworkers, friends and family can't take the time to use appropriate spelling, punctuation, or even capitalization. She writes:

"At work this comes across unprofessional, informal and with the impression that the author doesn't even have the energy (or is too cool) to capitalize your name. In a personal e-mail it can get as extreme as a one word response — I don't want a whole e-mail just for one word! Especially not when I get 10 in a row! My girlfriends have poor etiquette, but I'm surprised to find that some of my colleagues do as well. Is it just me or does this bother other people as well? Is e-mail ruining our sense of formality and respect? It is invasive by design therefore should we not be sticklers about etiquette?"

Yes, A.C. E-mail is a bit invasive by design and I agree with you that we're all getting a bit lazy. Folks, if you and your friends have a special way of communicating with each other — and every one of you is on board with that — that is just fine. But the workplace is no place for "how r u" and not capitalizing your friends' names.

Now that you know my top 15 e-mail crabs, how about you send me some of your own? I'll compile them and use them in a future column. Write to me at crabby@microsoft.com.

Tip of the month

J.P. from Wisconsin sent me a tip about how teachers can further organize their classrooms and students by using Outlook categories. He writes:

"When you suggested that teachers organize their student Contacts with Outlook, I would have added one more tip, using Categories. Each year I would define new categories, like "2006-2007 Third Graders," and add this category to each of the contacts. After a few years of students stored in Outlook, I'd be able to zero in on a past class — organized by categories — and scroll down to the particular class. Since each contact can have many categories assigned to it, this is great for high school teachers who may run into the same students in different years for different subjects. If you add categories for personality, a math teacher can be reminded that this was the "Class Clown" from "2003-2004 Algebra 101" when they set up this year's student contacts for Geometry 104."

Great tip, J.P. You never know...the "Class Clown" in 2004 may just morph into the next great stand-up comedian who somehow finesses a good joke out of the rigors of calculus.

"If you behave in a way that offends the people you're trying to deal with, they will stop dealing with you." — Judith Martin (Miss Manners)

About the author

Annik Stahl, the Crabby Office Lady columnist, takes all of your complaints, compliments, and knee-jerk reactions to heart. Therefore, she graciously asks that you let her know whether this column was useful to you — or not — by entering your feedback using the Was this information helpful? tool below. And remember: If you don't vote, you can't complain.

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